I'm sorry for my lack of posting. It's hard to string thoughts together right now due to all the pregnancy-related stuff. I am managing to tweet, so if you want an update on the baby situation, etc., you can either follow me (I'm Pixilated Vee) or just look at this blog page's low right sidebar for the latest Twitter updates.

Have you seen the beautiful and inspiring blog "Shower of Roses" blog? I've been doing some Serious Lurking there lately as I prepare for the 2009/2010 school year and borrow ideas for liturgical feasts.

Right now, the creative and highly organized Jessica is having a give-away of the Catholic lap folder, Year of the Priest, so be sure to sign up. Of course, I just probably blew my chances by telling you about it, but, ah, may the lapbook reach its intended recipient, right?

~ V.

"Not very much is known about the course of fibromyalgia during pregnancy ... In 1997, one of the few studies ever done on fibromyalgia and pregnancy was conducted in Norway. A small number of pregnant women were included in the study, some with fibromyalgia and some without. The study found that an overwhelming number of those pregnant while suffering from fibromyalgia reported a drastic increase in the severity of their symptoms. The third trimester was by far the most challenging during their pregnancy, with symptoms increasing in frequency." (from Pregnancy-Info.net)

When I first started on this pregnancy journey, I found precious little regarding how fibromyalgia would affect my pregnancy. (In contrast, I read a lot about Sjogren's Syndrome and pregnancy.) Because fibromyalgia remains a very hazy, little-understood illness, not much is known about fibromyalgia AND pregnancy.

Because there's little out there to discuss pregnancy and fibromyalgia, I will just share a little of my own experience, so that any other people experiencing the same will not feel alone.

Please note: I am not writing this as a list of complaints. If you don't have fibromyalgia or know anyone who has it, this might be the point where you check out my other posts or you find a far more interesting blog. (I mean, who wants to read medical stuff?) But I am writing this so that people who do have fibromyalgia or whose loved ones do can better understand what's going on.


HOW I'M REALLY FEELING
"There are few studies on fibromyalgia in pregnant women. However, a recent study at Temple University found that women with fibromyalgia had more symptoms of pain during pregnancy than women who did not have fibromyalgia." (from WebMD)

In the first few months of pregnancy, the symptoms were almost interchangeable with those of fibromylagia. The weariness, constipation, flu-like symptoms, etc., were always present---and so I could never tell the difference between the pregnancy symptoms or fibromyalgia.

But now I'm in the last trimester. Everything is different.

And I will confess that these last weeks have been extremely difficult. (There's an old theory that pregnancy will cause a remission in fibromyalgia. And if this is true for some people, God bless 'em. Alas, this theory is not true for me.)

The symptoms mentioned below (sensory overload, exhaustion, etc.) are typical for me in a fibromyalgic flare. And they usually trigger a Sjogren's Syndrome flare (these flares work in tandem in me). I deal with them fairly regularly. However, now in the last trimester, everything is more intensified than usual.

Sensory Overload: Having fibromyaglia is like having super spider senses that tingle, so I'm already hyperaware of all my senses and am easily overloaded. Now, to that, add a little one in my womb who is continually kicking, moving and stretching out my skin. The touch of my shirt against my womb hurts a lot. At home, I go around like Winnie the Pooh, my belly hanging out and my shirt too short. I won't wear pregnancy shirts because the touch of cloth hurts. And I live in pajama bottoms rather than maternity pants, for I can't bear the touch of, well, anything.

Heaviness: The usual weight of the baby during this trimester is hard to carry. But now, as someone who has fibromyalgia, I cannot stand without feeling all my nerve endings just scream. Twinges, movements, little aches, all of these are amplified now in this last trimester. It is extremely hard to endure some nights. Plus, with the baby lying transverse, the kid is kicking my cervix 24/7. I am very thankful for the fetal movements, all wonderfully positive signs, but it is truly exhausting. Not regular tiring like Normal Pregnant People. But it feels like with every kick and movement, I am being drained of energy. It's like having a fibromyalgia flare, but for a much longer time now.

Exhaustion: Because the pain and everything is virtually inescapable (I can't even sleep now, so I can't hide from it), I am completely tuckered out. I have been falling asleep at 3 a.m. these last few weeks and waking up at 7:30. As anyone with an autoimmune disease knows, you need rest. I don't think 4.5 hours are working for me.

Depression: If it weren't for my husband, a very supportive group of friends and prayer, I would be hiding under the sofa right now. The constant suffering of these last few weeks make it hard to stay cheerful and relaxed. The hormones racing through me don't help. However, it is by the grace of God that I have not sunk into a depression regarding my modified bed rest. I've had some dark days in the beginning, but they passed. I do worry and pray for those women who do not have a very strong community or understanding husband...


HOW I'M COPING
This would be a downer of a post if I didn't offer some comfort to other moms along the same path I am traveling. Here is how the journey has become bearable:

Prayer: This is everything. Mother Teresa once said: "Keep the joy of loving God in your heart and share this joy with all you meet especially your family. Be holy--–let us pray." In praying, I am lifting my soul to the Lord and am able to focus on the heavenly, rather than solely the physical. But it is in focusing on the heavenly that I can handle the physical.

Focusing on the Baby: The reason for all these discomforts and pains is because of a life growing within me. Something beautiful and positive is growing hidden now but to be seen soon! I pray for the baby, making the signs of the Cross over the womb and murmuring prayers. Being pregnant is truly a gift.

Keeping My Mind Occupied: If I were to just sit and stare, I'd go mad. By reading, editing, writing, even updating this blog of mine, I keep my mind away from the pain. It helps me to not be so horribly aware of everything ... or at least, it helps ignore it.

Keeping My Hands Occupied: Because I am on bed rest, I cannot do the exercises that might help me cope with fibromyalgia. But I can sew, write letters to loved ones, plan homeschooling activities, etc. If my hands are occupied, I am less likely to bite my nails to the quick from anxiety.

Surrounding Myself With Love: Thanks to technology, I can remain in touch with a good friend who is also on pregnancy bed rest, chat with dear friends in our homeschooling group, etc. And I do not feel isolated. The problem, one of the biggest ones of having an illness, is the tendency to isolate one's self from loved ones. The reason is that one is so physically out of sorts that one does not feel like seeing anybody. The exhaustion and sensory overload goes beyond what a normal person feels. But thank goodness for technology. Our homeschool group's online forum, my Twitter account and private email allow me to still socialize with good friends---but without having to deal with the physical drain of a visit.

Carving Out Quiet Time: Because we homeschool and I work from home, our house is always full of people and noise. In speaking frankly and openly with my husband, I told him about my feeling overwhelmed by my senses and just overloaded. So, he makes sure that I have some quiet time each day. And on the days that it isn't possible, I put on my iPod to something very relaxing and soft, and I close my eyes and take a little quiet holiday for a bit. The children know that I need that time.

Understanding This Isn't Forever: 40 weeks might feel like forever. But it isn't. It's 40 weeks long.

And please know that I am also keeping other bed rest/pregnancy-and-sick moms in my prayers ...

~ V.

As the last few weeks before the baby's estimated arrival slowly grinds past, I feel the compelling urge to nest. I want to clean and scrub those nooks and crannies that no one sees except someone on bed rest who has enough time to stare at those forgotten areas. I long to dig deep into my children's closets and put aside the clothes that they've outgrown, what needs mending, what has to be tossed. If I think about it, I would also like to clean out the cabinets in the kitchen and redo all the shelving paper.

Because, you know, the baby is going to be checking out the kitchen cabinets.

My husband, who has been positively heroic these last five months, has kept our house sparkling clean, everyone fed and cared for, and somehow done summer schooling as well. I've not approached him about cleaning the walls or alphabetizing the condiments on the spice rack. I don't want him to think I've gone batty.

Well, maybe just a little.

Proof My Nesting Has Gotten Nutty
Work: Thank God I work from home. And thank God I work for a company that is always unbelievably busy. Nothing like needing to finish several ginormous projects by August 1 to keep one focused.

Shiny new blog template: Limited to my modified bed rest, I am instead nesting in the technological age. Hence, a brand-new sparkling blog template unfurled today. You like? I am absolutely loving its clean, crisp lines and colors. I've also been busily bustling about (well, however one bustles online) in putting all my online flotsam and jetsam in one place.

My Creative Owlet: I'm considering the current template to be Version 1. After I unfurled the site, I promptly neglected it due to a couple of bouts of illness and the like. I'm going to streamline the look and make it part of this blog at some point. Plus, I need better, well-lit pictures. It's hard to take pretty pictures when one can't, you know, move. I will also advertise with Etsy and what-not, but Preston is urging me to take it easy until the baby is born. I can start trying to grow that lil biz once the baby is here.

Twitter: I loathed Twitter. I absolutely hated it. And then I started working in an online publishing company that loves social media. And then I was put on bed rest. And somehow, I came to see that those very short notes can still make you feel connected with friends when there isn't time for a long blog post or anything involving, well, energy from me. I added my Twitter updates low on my blog home page in case anyone is interested. And if not, well, I'm still looking hip. Hee.

Planning: I may not be able to get up, but I can wield a notebook and pen like the best of 'em. I've been scrawling down ideas for liturgical crafts and a social calendar for our Catholic homeschooling group, plus writing ideas for the extracurricular classes that I'll be teaching the kids in September.

If I'm going to be on bed rest, well, at least I'm on bed rest in a time and place where I can still have some creative and mental outlet.

I'm totally sick, but trying to get through this massive editing project to make today's deadline.

Meanwhile, what sound do I hear streaming from the schoolroom (i.e. den) into my little corner office? The happy sound of children laughing? The joyous roar of a board game? The buzzy chatter of an educational program?

Nope. I hear this.

It's a classy sort of education we're giving our children apparently.